I lost my equilibrium this week. After Paul’s ninth interview with a particular company he received confirmation that he’s not the only person they’re interviewing and it threw him off. Paul is my rock, so when he’s in a funk I’m in a funk. It didn’t help that my phone died and my car was suddenly in need of repairs. Really, when it rains it poors. I had things under control with the stress of the job search, but the unexpectedness of repairs and replacements left me feeling very fragile. I fell back into my old ways: wasting time on mindless facebook games and my patented eating contest with myself (I won, by the way.) The more I did those things the worse I felt, and the worse I felt the more I did those things to dull the pain of the stress.
Today a friend is sending me her unused TMobile phone and my car is being repaired. (Radiator hose had a hole.) The car repairs are not free, but not so astronomical to wipe out our entire savings. I still didn’t sleep well, but I do feel myself coming out of this week’s fog. For a short week, this was a really long one. Today is Friday, today is the end of that long short week. Today I have found my center.
I can spend the whole morning playing automoblox with Blue and Tyler, not worrying about the future or the present. And I believe I can do so without raiding the kitchen for sugars and starches. This is what we call progress, my friends. I can live with the uncertainty of my life so long as the uncertainty stays within certain parameters. I’ve boxed it back up and now I’m good.
Posted by Zen Mama 
