Secrets (or how I really spent my summer)

I’m of the opinion that it isn’t healthy to keep secrets. Ultimately the truth needs to come out and it’s easier to just be honest along the way. But I’ll be the first to admit that this has not been my summer of full disclosure.

Remember that super-great job that my husband got at the beginning of the summer? The one that was going to get us out of debt before the end of the year (including a huge chunk of the student loan), and help us put aside for retirement, savings, and possibly a house? The one that was going to send us to the dentist come October 1st? The one that made me finally relax and feel like a real person again after that long job hunt?

There was one good thing came from that job: I relaxed enough about our situation that we decided to work on baby #2.

And almost as soon as I conceived the job didn’t turn out to be what we thought, and with the little money we had made in those few short weeks my husband came home and got to looking full-time for another job. We were full of faith and optimism, knowing that he could get another job easily and that we’d be back on track with our plans in no time, but the offers that came in were often commission-only or in other ways unacceptable, and time wore on.

There were several days that I thought we’d reached the end, that we were done with the trials and good would come on the morrow but the only thing to greet me when I woke was another day of sameness. And even though I thought I couldn’t do it, I did. The day our computer died capped the end of a week full of bad news. How could we possibly get a job without a computer? I thought for sure we were at the end then, and I knew that Monday morning would greet us with an acceptable job offer, and a call back for me for some of the things I had been investigating. It didn’t, and I survived. It would be another week before he got a job that we felt good about, and none of my fruitful leads ever did work out (but at least Sylvan called me back, as you already know.)

Underscoring the stress of looking for a job without money coming in was my inability to continue my schedule as before. I had forgotten just how exhausting it is to create a biosphere and had assumed that my narcolepsy last time was due to my rigorous teaching schedule. Unable to function normally I resorted to Sesame Street to raise Little Red while I lay on the couch on my way to becoming catatonic. He was surprisingly patient with me, but I know he’s ready to have his mother back (and I hope he’ll be okay with watching less television now that I’m getting back on my feet.)

To add stress to stress to stress we got caught in a bad situation with insurance coverage thanks to the ineptitude of someone from the original job (who is one of the reasons we decided to leave that company in the first place.) If I wasn’t pregnant it would have been an easy thing to fix, but I wasn’t about to commit insurance fraud so I had to keep trying to do it the right way, despite the stubbornness on her part to cooperate and the fact that it was going to cost us twice as much. I won’t go into the tirade I’d like to on this issue, not now, and not ever, but I’ll just say that the system is broken and once again we were left pregnant and trying to find a way to make it work. So the weeks were dragging on like years and I had yet to see a doctor, not to confirm my pregnancy -that’s obvious- but to confirm that the baby is okay. For the first time in two pregnancies I was actually starting to worry, although I knew I shouldn’t.

I discovered that I’m better at keeping secrets than my husband is, and that he did let it slip a few times that “we think Heather might be pregnant.” I guess, to be fair, it isn’t like he announced that we were, just that we might be. But I know he worded it that way because last time we announced we were pregnant we were met with skepticism until my OB (who wouldn’t see me until I was 10 weeks along) had confirmed it.

Why did we keep quiet about the job search? We had been open about the first job search and all that did was add to the stress as people lobbied for us to live their lives or told us “you just can’t move!” Neither of which was very helpful when multiplied by the number of people who wanted us to live our lives as they had planned. And I’ll be honest, this second job hunt was so discouraging on the back of the first. It wasn’t that we had done anything wrong, but it really wasn’t something we wanted to broadcast. Without the well-meaning pressure from all of our friends and acquaintances we were able to investigate all options fairly.

Why did we keep quiet about the baby? We would have even without the job search, but the job search made it all the more necessary. But now, having seen my nurse practioner, seen the baby, and been given the okay, I feel okay talking about it. Besides, when it was a secret I couldn’t complain about how lousy I felt.

Now you know: my husband has been working his new job for a week now. It’s a better work environment than either of the jobs he has held out here, and while the base pay is lower than that super-great-sweatshop it’s such a relief to be somewhere that will move us forward professionally and still recognize the need for balance in life.

Now you know: I am eleven weeks pregnant and the baby appears to be due on April 3rd. I’m so glad I’ll have Kaiser insurance throughout the pregnancy, as I adore my NP and I know that my best shot at a VBAC in California is with them. I know I can do it and I know they will help. Baby is healthy and Mummy is happy.

13 thoughts on “Secrets (or how I really spent my summer)

  1. Actually… yeah!! I wondered a couple of times!! But I knew you had so much going on, I couldn’t ask without putting more pressure on you or something.

    Anyway… congratulations! I’m very excited for you. Very happy that you’re mostly pregnant all winter (not very pregnant all summer). Extremely happy you won’t have all the insurance problems I’m having. Unbelievably happy that Mum and baby are well. YAY!!!

  2. Congratulations, and I’m very excited for you.

    Just FYI Shane’s birthday is April 7th. Think you could hold out that long?

    I’ll refrain from saying “I knew it” or anything like that. That gets old. 😉

  3. Yippee and congratulations on all accounts! The whole job thing is so frustrating. When Paul got his new job and raise (not much, but we’ll take what we can get) my parents decided it was time for us to pay rent, like we’re going to argue. But in doing our budget we discovered that after just bills and insurance, rent, and property tax, and tithing we were maxing our income right there. Sigh, I know the feeling, sometimes it seems no matter how hard we try we will never get ahead. But the Lord knows and that is where faith comes in. And thank goodness for tithing blessings, we’d be in big trouble without them.

    Anyway, congrats again and I hope that things continue to work out better in the job field. 🙂

  4. As long as we are being honest, My husband has had a less than fruitful summer with the job serch as well. Doesn’t it totally suck when you know your husband is worth more than what people are willing to pay him. Just when you think this offer might be it and you get all excited they come back with a number so low (how could you possibly accept it) that you want to cry. I keep telling myself one day.

    Congrats on the baby and please check my ideas for Halloween under pressure. I’ve got more so I’m gonna try to email them to you.

  5. Congratulations!! How exciting!! What will the age difference between little red and #2 be? I forget when his b-day was 🙂 Yay for winter pregnancy!!!!

    I’m terrible at keeping secrets. I wish I could keep them as well as you! I’m glad that everything is working out! You are still staying in the same place in CA, right?

  6. Congratulations! I hope this job works out. We always get excited with each new job, thinking that this is going to be the one we want to stay with, and then your eyes get opened to things you don’t see int he interview. That’s why we are hoping to work for ourselves sometimes in the near future!

    Good luck!

  7. Congratulations! I’m SO happy for you guys! I know how stressed you’ve been, but now this explains for the NEEDED rest for those last few weeks I was there! Tell Paul we said congrats to him too. I’m so happy things are working out for you, esp. with insurance. Baby Pool=I want to say girl, just so you can have one to do her hair and dress her in all of the cute clothes that we always find on sale for girls and not our boys. But keep the faith, and all will work out! 😀

  8. Congradulations! I, pesonally had NO idea about either baby or job. Just for the record.

    Anyway, here’s hoping all continues to go well for a very very long time!

  9. Sariah, I had a feeling you were starting to wonder … but then I knew about your pregnancy before you did so I guess all’s fair! (I’d recognize that dog-dead feeling anyway!) Yes, I’m so glad that it appears my insurance problems are behind me -as long as I can pay this retroactive bill- I had such a nightmare with insurance with Little Red and I hope to never repeat that. I hope yours gets sorted out soon!

    ABQ, you know I’ll hold on as long as the baby needs. I was actually thinking the due date would be 6th or 7th, so … maybe?

    Julia, thank you! I know the feeling about being maxed out and never seeing the extra money. Good luck to you on getting out of the rat race!

    April, thanks!

    Alyson, thank you, and yes, I did get those Hallowe’en ideas. I’m actually toying with the apple/tree idea but thinking I might be too lazy. Please feel free to send me any brilliance that comes your way. (We thought of cookie monster -because he is- but it would be too hot, and we kind of stopped there. Husband is worried an apple costume would be too hot, also.)

    FeatherSky, they will be 23 months apart. Yes, I’m also excited to be big during the cold months, but to be fair I was dead-on-the-couch-sick during the hot months so I feel I did my summer time still this pregnancy! Yes, we are staying in California. We almost moved to Minnesota, but I think this’ll be better for us long-term, as convoluted as that sounds.

    Laural, yes, I know what you mean. The honeymoon period with a job never lasts as long as you hope. Good luck to you guys, too! Hey, is Jojo still clinging to the walls? Are you feeling okay?

    Tiffany, there were so many times I almost told you, I felt like I owed you some kind of explanation beyond what you knew about jobs and deaths. You, most of all, should be saying, “well that explains a lot!” Eating Little Red’s snacks in church, nearly puking in your car, napping all the time…

    Allrie, thank you!

    Hazel, thanks! It was hard to keep such big secrets, and I’m surprised I did. But I guess I felt so compelled, like it was necessary for me to get through it without anyone knowing and coddling me. I don’t know…

  10. I’m such an airhead.

    the kids will be 28 months apart (and not 23 as I said in FeatherSky’s reply.)

    In my comment to Sariah I meant to say “I’d recognize that dog-dead feeling anywhere!” and not “anyway”.

    And yes, it did take me a week to realize my mistakes.

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