Manic Monday

How to Give a Pregnant Lady a Complex

On Saturday morning the Young Girl at my table asked me if my baby had come out yet.  I leaned back, patted my belly and said, “you tell me.”  She concluded I had not yet had my baby.

Teenage Girl said, “you’re pregnant?”

“Did you think this was all doughnuts?” I asked, surprised, as I’ve worked with this particular girl a lot over the past couple of months.

Teenage Boy laughed.  I’m not sure if he laughed because he couldn’t believe TG hadn’t noticed my burgeoning belly, or because he, too, hadn’t noticed, but couldn’t believe she admitted to not noticing.

To be fair, I do spend most of my time sitting at the table.

Fragile

(I’ll say this right now: don’t chalk up my feelings to pregnancy.  I get like this periodically, regardless of gestation and I feel that making a blanket statement to attribute it to pregnancy is invalidating and patronizing.)

Lately family members have been making statements that seem to doubt my abilities as a wife and mother.  It’s easy to pass off when the incidents are isolated, but when the frequency of events is so tight I become more convinced that there is truly an underlying problem. 

I know I’m not a perfect person, but I know I’m trying.  I’d like them to know that I put a lot of effort into meal planning and preparation, that meals are ready at a consistent time even on nights that I work, and that I prepare healthy, varied, balanced meals, taking into consideration sugars, carbs, cholesterol, and sodium, in addition to the food guide.  I’d like them to know that we rarely eat out.  But I’d like even more for them to just trust us to be adults and stop telling us how they think we need to live.  I don’t want to hear about how we need to rearrange our living room to accomodate this or that.  And I don’t want to hear “uhh, you’re going to have a fun time when the baby comes!” as a dubious comment to my ability to balance the needs of both children.

Part of me wants to be mad, insulted, offended.  The rest of me wants to be depressed because there is so much I want to do, like keep a clean house, that I just can’t physically maintain right now.  I want to be so much more than I am.

The worst part is, while I know this too shall pass, I worry about the damage in the meantime.  With families there never seems to be a statute of limitations and the previous hurts from the previous experiences are creeping in, reminding me of all the other words that have hurt.  I push them away because I don’t want to be like that, but I can already feel my self-doubt spreading to every aspect of my life.

What Makes a Healthy Kid Housebound

Typically at this point in the season we have already received an average of about 11 inches of rain.  This year we’ve barely hit the 2 inch mark.  Yesterday we broke all sorts of heat records and Fullerton even topped the national charts with the highest recorded temperature in the country (97 degrees!)  It’s still the beginning of March and we already have our first forest fire and have lost two homes.

What does all of this mean?  Low humidity + high temperatures = croup.  The humidifier and my husband’s concern is on high and Little Red and I have another day of television ahead of us.  I think when I call it to work I’ll save myself some time and just cancel for the whole week.  That’ll be one less thing to worry about this week.

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7 thoughts on “Manic Monday

  1. Don’t take the comments personally! I am so sorry that you have to deal with that, it is totally uncalled for! You will be a fabulous mother to this new baby, just as you have been with Little Red! Cheer up, it won’t stay like this forever!!!

  2. I agree, you are a fantastic mother, and you’ll be even more fantastic when little boy blue comes! Don’t take their comments personally. EVERY mom gets behind on house work. Little Red will enjoy all the time Mom took to play with him much more than he will enjoy the memory of a perfectly clean house.

  3. I know it’s hard to let comments go by when it comes from family members. I’m sorry that things have been said that make you question whether you’re doing a good job or not. I don’t see you everyday but I talk to you almost that often, I think you’re a terrific mother and someone that I try to emulate. Things will get better when the baby finally arrives and you just have to remember that you’re making the best of the situation that’s been given to you at the moment. And that’s all you can do.

  4. Just as everyone has said, try not to pay too much heed to comments made. You are a wonderful mother, and the Lord will give you the needed strength, etc to cope with the new little one too. He wouldn’t be sending him if you couldn’t do it. No one is perfect, we all have our bad days.

    One of the most valuable lessons I learned with Jacob was not to take time with kids, etc. for granted. It took almost loosing him to get me to realize that rocking the baby is much more important than washing the dishes overflowing the sink. Of course there should be balance, but don’t feel guilty if you let things go from time to time for your kids sake. 🙂

  5. As far as family comments go, my policy is if you are “nice enough” to bud in, don’t be surprizied when I’m “nice enough” to tell you the truth about your life. Of course tell the truth nicely, but tell it none the less. When I was a still single and in my late 20s many of my family members felt they should comment on my lack if husband or boyfriend. I had to tell it like it was, and I got to the point where I didn’t even blink when I had to tell some one the things they were saying were none of their business and very rude to boot. They got the picture eventually. And if they were hurt, it was not my problem.

  6. I think all of us are more sensitive to comments from family members, regardless. Particularly when we are trying really hard. There are members of my husband’s family who are constantly negative, and others who seem to take joy in being cruel. Then they don’t understand when “non-blood” family (family members by marriage) would prefer to avoid them. If it’s blood relatives, it can be easier to say what you want to say. I have no idea what your specific situation is, but instructions on organizing a living room seems a bit intrusive to me. You ARE adults, capable of doing things for yourselves. Feel sorry for the people making the comments, not yourself.

  7. I’m late to comment on this, but having had an abundance of experience on this, I say that we follow Pres. Hinkley’s advice: don’y take it personally. I have learned that the criticisor is really less secure that the criticisee [you] and while it can really hurt, just ignore it and it [she, he, they] will eventually go away. You do what you know is right.
    Do you have the “Little Hands ” poem? If not, I’ll send it to you. Worry about the house when the kids grow up–not now–worry about them now. And the “well-meaning relatives? Well, they can take care of themselves.

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