It Isn’t Always About Me

I don’t know how many times I have to learn this lesson before I actually get it.  Happiness for me is most likely to be achieved when I’m bringing joy to others.  Venting and self-pitying have never been helpful.  There’s very little difference for me between venting and holding it in.  In the end, neither makes me better.  Getting out of myself is what makes me better.

Today I was chatting with Sariah, commiserating over our woes.  At the same time I was scheduling an appointment for a blood drive.  Donating blood in no way solves the problems we were discussing, but it made me feel happy to know I was doing something positive.  Suddenly it hit me, the lesson I have to keep relearning because I’m so daft.

I wish I could be a better friend.  I wish I could be like Sariah, who can listen to my problems without one-upping me.  She just listens.  And she knows.  I wish I could be like Dana, who can reach out and do nice things for others even when she is suffering.

If I could do both of those things, I would be a much happier person.  I wish when I was having a really hard time this summer that I hadn’t spent so much time feeling alone, but that I had reached out to all my friends who were also struggling.  It would have helped me.  It would have helped them.  I might have helped me get better.

For some people venting is cathartic.  It isn’t so for me.  By putting into words the demons in my mind I give them more power, and I rob myself of strength.  I allow those monsters to overcome me.  Instead, I need to solve and reach out.  I need to do, and not just be.

All this I know.  The application thereof is a completely different thing.


4 thoughts on “It Isn’t Always About Me

  1. Thanks for the compliments! That makes me feel so good. I often feel like I am trying to “one-up” whoever I’m venting with. Not that I mean to try, it just happens. They say “This happened to me” and I say “Yeah, it happeened to me, too, and then THIS happened right after!” I’m terribly concious of it and try not to sound like I’m taking my friends’ problems lightly. I try to listen and listen well.

    I also love our little complaining sessions because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. And YOU always have a way of putting things into a new perspective that I can never see. You also have such great ideas (such as giving blood to help others) that I never think about. I’m constantly wishing I could be more like you and Dana!

  2. Well said! I know the exact same things that you do and I have the exact same problems of following through with what I know. Why is it so hard to implement our knowledge? It should be easier to do what we know is the best thing, right? If you figure out how to make it easier, please let me know.

    Now, as you have complimented your dear friends in this post, I would like to turn the tables on you. I only know you through fishbowl and blogs, but you seem like the kindest most caring person. I always read your posts and think, ‘wow, why can’t I be more like her. She is so giving and loving…to her family and friends?!’ So, maybe it’s a grass is always greener kind of concept…I’m sure that Sariah and Dana don’t feel like they are doing so wonderful either!

    Keep being you! I like you!! I need you! 😀

  3. Oh there are so many times when I’m sitting at home thinking, “why doesn’t anyone ever call me? Why don’t I get any emails from anyone? Noone’s commenting on my blogs…” Then I realize that I havent’ done anything for anyone else for awhile.

    I’m probably totally selfish. I find myself doing things sometimes in hopes that it will be reciprocated which is totally the wrong reason for doing nice things for other people. I like being acknowledge for my good deeds, maybe it’s my own insecurities that cause that.

    You don’t want to be like me. I do nice things for the wrong reasons. 😦

    But it is sweet what you and Sariah said.

    (You have permission to delete this comment, it’s super long and not at all helpful)

  4. It’s kind of weird that I only know you through blogs and emails cuz it seems like I know you a lot better! But I think you are a really good friend 🙂 And giving blood? That’s awesome! I’ve never given blood. The one time I finally got up enough nerve to do it they turned me away because it hadn’t been 2 years since the blood transfusion I had after Jenacy was born (and it takes 2 years for….what again?). Anyway, I think you are a great person. 🙂

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