Rugged Trails

I really wish we hadn’t been out of touch for the most of nine years, but getting reacquainted with one of my first roommates could not have been better timed.  We talked on the phone for an hour and a half, a marathon for me, and she recounted her life since we parted ways: her complete breakdown, her miscarriage and divorce, her family’s endless trials.  We spoke as openly and honestly to each other as we always had.  Neither of us glossed over the sad parts of our lives to only show our successes.  Neither of us thinks less of each other know that we know the truth, and our friendship is as strong as ever.

She and I have a history of telling it like it is to each other.  But we both will admit to not sharing as much with others.  I’m not sure how to overcome the social pressure to only tell happy stories.  I don’t necessarily think we should go around only telling of our heartbreaks, but I think there needs to be a balance. 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I’ve said this elsewhere but I’ll say it again.  It’s perfectly acceptable to say that your pancreas doesn’t work and you need to take insulin.  It’s less acceptable to admit that your brain chemistry is off and you need to take anti-depressants.  It is equally less acceptable to admit that your life didn’t follow as smooth a path as you had hoped.  The thing is, no one’s life has.

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3 Responses to Rugged Trails

  1. aprilmommy says:

    Many of us will say that we have dirty little secrets buried somewhere. I think that if we would all admit when we have a difficult time, it could become socially acceptable. Seriously, I don’t think that I have met many people in my life who have not been on anti-depressants at one point or another. I admit freely that I have. Perhaps we just need to make it socially acceptable.

  2. abqmom says:

    I have been questioning life’s path the last few days. Someone from high school found me on facebook. Our junior and senior year she went to the community college. I stayed at the high school. She graduated from H.S. with an associates. Since then she has graduated from U of Washington and George Washington University. What do I have to show for 10 years? An associates, 3 kids and stretch marks.

    I’m glad that you were able to get reaquainted with this old friend and that you were able to speak openly and honestly with her. That’s an important trait. I worry about what others are thinking so much, that I edit what I say to sound more cheery.

    Sorry, this probably doesn’t have anything to do with what you post was about, and I have hijacked your blog. You can have it back now and delete this if you so choose. I can probably leave a more positive comment later on.

  3. feathersky says:

    My friend April (‘Mountain’) is the person I’m totally open to. We have a rule that the 2nd person to find out about either ones pregnancies is each other (the first person is the husbands, but only because they were on our way to the phone 😉 ). And then we’ve been on the phone for hours though our miscarriages. And it’s been that way for all our good news, and even more so for our bad news. I’d say most people who know me in real life don’t know me very well. There are exceptions, but in person I rarely open up about what’s really going on. I’m getting a little better at it, but I’d just rather listen to other people than be the one talking.

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