He’ll Never Know

Paul has been home for a week now, but has tried to keep himself sequestered in the bedroom for his job search.  I’m so glad that he is staying so focused with this entire thing.  When he’s down in the living room with the rest of us, the kids have been pretty calm.  At the beginning of the week I thought, great, now he’ll finally have an idea of why I’m so tired at the end of the day, but after a week I’ve resigned myself to accepting that he’s never going to really understand. 

He didn’t hear the screaming when Boy Blue knocked a shelf from the bookshelf onto himself, and while he didn’t hit Lucy, it scared her and they both screamed in my ears for ten minutes.  He never saw how difficult naptimes can be.  And he didn’t even hear me, in desperation late on Friday afternoon, shriek at my own children to “leave me alone!” because they wouldn’t stop pulling my hair and pestering me while I tried to calm two tired babies.

He may never really know what my days are like, but I hope he appreciates it nonetheless.  I hope he knows that while I’m only bringing in enough money to cover half of rent, that I am working hard, and I am doing what I can to give our children a stimulating, loving environment.  (Well, except for that whole leavemealone bit.)  I hope he knows how much I love him, and that caring for our children is one of the ways I’m trying to show him.

3 thoughts on “He’ll Never Know

  1. You are amazing! I can’t even imagine, and you’re right…he probably will never understand. 🙂 That said, you may never completely understand the pressure he is under right now or how hard it is for a man (for any length of time) not to be able to provide for his family. This is such a tough time for you both! I hope something turns up quickly. In the mean time, I know all four of those little ones (and your hubby, too!) are lucky to have you in their lives.

  2. I have those “leave me alone” moments WAY more often than I should admit.
    You are an amazing mother. I’m very impressed with the cheerful way you manage your kids and babysitting.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s