My in-laws sent us a cheque of the money they’d have used on our family’s Christmas presents in case we needed the cash now, and if we didn’t, then we were on our own for getting our own gifts from them this year. It was a very thoughtful gesture, and we will probably use the cash, but I deposited the money into savings, because maybe Paul will find “that” job soon. Truth be told, I think the money will be spent soon, but it’s nice to know that we can make it through the month, if need be. Depositing our Christmas presents, knowing the money will be spent on rent, made me start thinking about Christmas, and this year I’m not exactly rapt with anticipation.
The stores are really pumping out the Christmas stuff already, and the Americana at Brand is already working on their gigantic Christmas tree. Normally that would make me so excited for Christmas, but all I can think about is how I’m worried this is going to be another depressing Christmas. It feels so wierd that I can’t get into the Christmas mood, and I’m frustrated with myself that I’m already channelling the really bad memories from several other Christmases recently.
Our really good friends lost their baby this week. I’ve been through the miscarriages of so many friends by now, but this one really hurt. I don’t know what made this one different. Was it that I am more fragile right now? Was it that they had been pregnant for so long already? Either way, it’s the first time I’ve cried for the loss of a friend’s pregnancy.
It rained yesterday. I was happy that November has started with fall weather. It wasn’t a lot of rain, but it was rain. Normally that would make my week, the first rain in seven months. It doesn’t change anything, however.
Paul has been keeping himself pretty positive and upbeat, but is slipping into a funk. There’s nothing that makes me spiral faster than when he gets into a funk (which, since we’ve moved to California, has been a lot more frequent than I would like.) We have some good prospects, but things take a while. Part of the problem is that Paul doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life. We’ve got the great lead but it’s for a job he’s always been curious about, but now that he’s midway through the interviews and asking all his questions, he’s finding that he might not like himself if he’s in the job long-term.
Nothing lasts forever, but truly I’m a little off this morning if I’m quoting GNR. I know I’ll snap out of it. Eventually.