November Rain

My in-laws sent us a cheque of the money they’d have used on our family’s Christmas presents in case we needed the cash now, and if we didn’t, then we were on our own for getting our own gifts from them this year.  It was a very thoughtful gesture, and we will probably use the cash, but I deposited the money into savings, because maybe Paul will find “that” job soon.  Truth be told, I think the money will be spent soon, but it’s nice to know that we can make it through the month, if need be.  Depositing our Christmas presents, knowing the money will be spent on rent, made me start thinking about Christmas, and this year I’m not exactly rapt with anticipation.

The stores are really pumping out the Christmas stuff already, and the Americana at Brand is already working on their gigantic Christmas tree.  Normally that would make me so excited for Christmas, but all I can think about is how I’m worried this is going to be another depressing Christmas.  It feels so wierd that I can’t get into the Christmas mood, and I’m frustrated with myself that I’m already channelling the really bad memories from several other Christmases recently.

Our really good friends lost their baby this week.  I’ve been through the miscarriages of so many friends by now, but this one really hurt.  I don’t know what made this one different.  Was it that I am more fragile right now?  Was it that they had been pregnant for so long already?  Either way, it’s the first time I’ve cried for the loss of a friend’s pregnancy.

It rained yesterday.  I was happy that November has started with fall weather.  It wasn’t a lot of rain, but it was rain.  Normally that would make my week, the first rain in seven months.  It doesn’t change anything, however. 

Paul has been keeping himself pretty positive and upbeat, but is slipping into a funk.  There’s nothing that makes me spiral faster than when he gets into a funk (which, since we’ve moved to California, has been a lot more frequent than I would like.)  We have some good prospects, but things take a while.  Part of the problem is that Paul doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life.  We’ve got the great lead but it’s for a job he’s always been curious about, but now that he’s midway through the interviews and asking all his questions, he’s finding that he might not like himself if he’s in the job long-term.

Nothing lasts forever, but truly I’m a little off this morning if I’m quoting GNR.  I know I’ll snap out of it.  Eventually.

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6 Responses to November Rain

  1. Karen says:

    It’s tough when the bad news seems to pile up (and even if it doesn’t, it seems to, if you know what I mean). It can be hard to take the good things in stride. Although, I’m not sure that getting all Christmassy when Halloween is barely over counts as “a good thing” necessarily. But yay for rain anyway!

    Thank you for understanding.

  2. feathersky says:

    Good luck on jobs. Hang in there!

  3. Teisha says:

    Hey i hope you remember us! I am sorry you are having a hard time! I know how it is about 6 months ago we were in the same situation. Matt lost his job, soon after we found out he had diabetes, we crashed our car and emmy broke her arm. The only advive i can give you is to stay positive for your husband. Give him pep talks before he goes to his job interviews and remember that we have hard times in our lives for a reason! Good luck you will be in our prayers!

    Teisha! I’ve been wondering what happened to you guys! Sounds like you had a rough spring — how are you now?

  4. Lisa B. says:

    I love you, Heather!!

  5. Allison says:

    Okay so I agree with you Christmas is waaay to early. Today I heard Christmas carols playing. Already???? No wait until after Thanksgiving.

    But don’t start channeling bad Christmas memories. Even if you don’t have a job by then you will still have a wonderful Christmas if you set your mind to it. I’ll throw a little Christmas party for the kiddos and we’ll have lots of Christmas cheer to share. You should come to Institute tomorrow at 9:30. We’re talking about the Savior’s life … what a great way to remember what Christmas is all about. And they have babysitting!!!

    It’s going to be a wonderful holiday.

  6. I have a new quote for you from Finding Nemo (can you tell I am a mom?)… “Just keep swimming.” It will all work out. I never believed it when people said that to me when I worried, but somehow it did and we keep making it. Your at a low right now, but you will be taken care of.

    I have no idea, but I am so excited for Christmas. That is not normal for me. I have the no money for presents, but it is about making good memories and family. You have a wonderful little family and you are so creative. It won’t be hard for you to create good memories for your kids.

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