Pause

I’ve still got a post about the Getty in my drafts, and pictures for another post in my folder.  The three weeks or so I went without blogging (and commenting at a minimum) were not without thought.

(truth be told, many of those thoughts were not fit for human consumption.) 

Really, what do I have to say that hasn’t already been said?

There’s been a shift in the way I think, having passed the six month mark on unemployment.  I’ve seen into the hearts and minds of people who live on welfare for years.  Once you’ve been beaten down long enough, and dependent on help long enough, it’s hard to imagine being on your feet.  The few jobs that seem to be surfacing these days have pay rates so low that when you calculate insurance, taxes, transportation, and all the other expenses of having a job, I hardly feel like we’d be in any way ahead of where we are now.  Of course we aren’t giving up, of course we’re keeping up our hopes and trying to do everything we can.  This experience, however, has really given me more sympathy for those worse off than us.

Unlike the vast majority of my generation, I didn’t expect to be bourgeois in my twenties.  I never expected that when Paul and I entered the workforce we would have the same salaries and standards of living as our parents after thirty years of work.  I knew we would have to sacrifice, and that it would take time to build our lives.  It has been a bigger struggle for Paul, but he has adjusted.  I’ve got a lot of thoughts on the standard of living and what we consider to be necessities, but I’ll spare you of that tonight.

This much I know: if you don’t bring your A Game to parenting, they’ll eat you alive.  I know this.  I have always known this.  This month I’ve not been my best at following my own advice.  Tomorrow will be better.  As will Saturday.  As will Sunday.  I can do this.  I will do this. 

Tonight, instead of ticking off anything on my list I have nothing to show for my hour since I put the boys to bed except a rambling blog post, some pie, and a little bit of Thursday night television.  I’m also sorting some things out in my head.  I will be ready for tomorrow when it comes.  Regardless of what is going on inside me, regardless of what is going on with our economy, my children have certain needs.  It is my job to meet those needs.  End of story.

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2 Responses to Pause

  1. zoo says:

    sorting things out in your head is not nothing. sometimes, it takes precedent over lists. and proves more proactive. 😉

  2. feathersky says:

    I’m with you. I didn’t expect to start out rich, I expected to struggle as we built our lives. I just somehow thought that after nearly 10 years of joint assets we’d be ahead of where we are. I guess luck has some part in life, and man, we haven’t had that luck!

    But tomorrow will be better. I just know it.

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