The Aporkalypse, aka the Hamdemic of 2009

(Oh, how I wish I was clever enough to have come up with Hamdemic or Aporkalypse!)

Not long ago, some people in a rural farming village in Mexico came down with the flu. And it has spread all over Mexico. It’s just the flu, but it’s a flu that pigs usually get –before it mutated and started infecting people. Because it’s something humans have never had before, we have no immunity from previous exposure and vaccinations. So even healthy, normal people our age are getting sick. Without the barrier of vaccinations and natural immunity, this could potentially affect everyone.

The flu can be a scary thing. The normal flu kills thousands of people a year (usually the very young and very old who don’t have healthy and strong immune systems.)

Here’s where it gets entertaining:
It’s been called the Swine Flu because it’s a flu that before long ago only infected pigs. Well, the Israelis were really upset at the beginning of the week, claiming that calling it the “Swine Flu” was culturally insensitive to their Kosher culture. What did one man suggest it be called instead? The Mexican Flu.

YES- because that wouldn’t be culturally insensitive!!!!!!!!!

But wait — there’s more!

So because it’s been called the Swine Flu, some countries who haven’t even had cases of the disease, and seemed to miss the memo that it is NOT transmitted by consuming pork products, have begun slaughtering their pig populations on fears of this virus. The World Health Organization has finally conceded to stop calling it the Swine Flu. Not to protect the sensitivities of the Kosher cultures, but to protect the pigs from being slaughtered.

Now, as for Mexico: everyone can agree that the virus mutated and began spreading in Mexico. They even think they’ve identified Patient Zero, the first person who contracted the human form of this new virus (a little boy in a very rural village, who, incidentally, recovered and is just fine.) Everyone can agree that the virus mutated in Mexico, except for the Mexican ministry of health and cheif epidimeologists. Early on in this paranoia they tried to hint that because California and Texas each had a couple of cases, who’s to say the virus didn’t begin in the States?  And later said that viruses mutate and travel anywhere, and someone could have brought it over from “Pakistan or Bangladesh.” (I saw both of those on television so I have no links, sorry!) Admitting the virus mutated in your country doesn’t mean you did anything wrong! Viruses know no national lines. The fact that this originated in Mexico doesn’t mean anything bad about Mexicans!

How can I neglect mentioning the conspiracy theory that this is a man-made strain

Maybe I’m the only one who finds this funny, but I haven’t been this entertained bythe news in a long time!  You can’t make this stuff up, it’s pure comedy.  My Dad is going down to Mexico next week for his annual diving trip.  I asked him what he thought of the travel restrictions, and his answer reminded me of how much I love him.

“Well,” he said, “the travel advisories say that you should avoid non-essential travel.  This is essential.”  Not to mention he’ll have great service, smaller crowds, and hopefully a discount on many of his expenses!  Have a great trip, Dad!  As for the rest of you, stay home, quarantine yourselves, and fuel this paranoia for a few more weeks.  The economy will take another few hits, for sure, but at least we’ll have had some laughs.

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5 Responses to The Aporkalypse, aka the Hamdemic of 2009

  1. mcinsane says:

    Hee Hee! So funny, and so true! You crack me up! Hope you don’t come down with the Porky Ailment!

  2. Karen says:

    There’s some bird in there too. That’s what makes it so scary (oooooh). It’s a mutated strain that’s part bird, part swine, part human.

    But that stuff about banning pork products, slaughtering pigs, and objecting to the use of “swine” in the name — all of that as a reaction is incredibly laughable.

    What’s not laughable is going to my local clinic (where my massage therapist practices) and seeing kids being forced to wear face masks because they are exhibiting “flu like symptoms”.

    Quite right, I forgot to mention the third-party bird genes. Ooooooooooo! Thank you for reminding me. I haven’t seen face masks down here — what a sight for you!

  3. Andrea says:

    I have a friend who works at an E.R. in Sacramento. She said that if one more person comes in complaining of flu like symptoms she’s seriously going to loose her mind.

    I have this lingering cough … do you think she can help me out?!

  4. Lisa B. says:

    Heather, this is the only piece on the subject that I have heard or read that I felt was worth my while. Thank you!

  5. feathersky says:

    WAIT!!! I heard this morning that the whatever agency thinks they *might* have hyped the danger of this up a little too much. Can you believe that?!?!?!?! Too much hype?! C’mon, not possible! 😛

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