“Professional Bum — terrible pay, great hours”
To me that displays perfectly a summer without a job. In the trade of Professional Bum some of us are luckier than others. We have showers, couches, and, most importantly, remote control televisions.
Every morning I would raise myself from the world of the dead to have a shower, then stumble over the chords connected to the Super Nintendo controllers mumbling a feeble “mornin'” to my Nintendo fanatic brothers who noticed my presence merely because for one aggravatingly nerve-raking moment I blocked their view of the screen. ‘What little life they have’ I would often think ironically. Like I was really one to talk. Geesh.
Yogurt in hand I could now settle into my new surroundings. The living room. Without thinking I automatically turn to Rogers’ Cable TV Listings and thus spend the next couple of hours immobile.
Lunch was always an ordeal. The exertion of raising myself from the couch requires amazing quantities of will-power. A sandwich or Kraft Dinner? Kraft Dinner was generally favoured by the brothers so out with the pot and in with the macaroni.
The p.m. tv schedule was rigorous before 3 as I have no interest in soap operas. Those were the times I craved everything. Being a Bum isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; it’s hard to remain sitting there when you could be actually doing something.
5:30 was the approximate time my paternal unit enters the house. I suppose now that I think of it, ‘mentor’ or ‘paternal bum’ are more appropriate titles. Sitting in a chair he’ll watch whatever I am. His wife will return home in a few hours after doing overtime at the office and working-out at the gym. She has yet to be our apprentice as she has a difficult time grasping the Bum Mottos and Standards. She’ll make up a vegetable concoction that’s — dare I mention it? — healthy. Then to end an exhausting day we’d all relax and watch tv and eat popcorn.
The trade of Professional Bum isn’t an easy one, but I work hard at it and I enjoy it. And I guess that’s all that really matters anyhow.