It’s been two months since Paul lost his job. Watching the ink dry on his resumes has been meditative and mindnumbing. For the most part the waiting has been a beautiful preiod of growth. The longer this takes the more prepared I am for whatever change is coming. Our new world may not look like this one, and that would present a significant change in my lifestyle and the education of my children. This waiting place allows me to come to grips with that on my own pace. I have new perspective on “and Mary kept these things and pondered them in her heart.” This is a quiet period for me, and I appreciate the time.
I haven’t done well with my goal to walk thrice weekly, and I know that once I can work that into my routine the other aspects of my life will be smoother. I grow increasingly resentful of the time demands placed upon me by others. I’ve supressed it for a long time but my inner hermit is demanding his due. I’m settling into a quieter phase of my life, one that asks more introspection and delivers more wisdom and peace. I want to study and meditate. I want to learn. I want stillness. I don’t miss the bubbly, bouncy, frenetic old me; I appreciate her for who she was, but am happy to settle in to my new phase. I hope it lasts a while, and I hope I can better learn to say no to people so that I can enjoy the company of my new wiser, slower, quieter self. I think I have a few things to learn from her.