It’s easy to forget so much of the early days of motherhood. After all things happens so quickly. Even sleep. Especially sleep. And without sleep we forget the details, glossing the years with a thick brush. If we are lucky we can recall happy memories and render feelings.
I’ve come to realize just how much of my personhood is lost in mothering a very young child. I have the perspective to see that it isn’t forever and that there is time again for me as they get older, and also that this loss of self is a donation freely made, a sacrifice I choose to give my child and my family. Because I had a large gap between my second and my third I was able to gain that perspective.
So here I am again in the land of the sleep deprived. I have trouble with words and am eating to stay awake. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely in love with my reason for being so tired, and I’m also grateful to know it won’t be forever.
I miss sleep. And reading. And not being screamed at while showering. But those things will come again, and in the meantime I give myself to this baby.