This afternoon I was talking with my friend about an experience I had had with Blue a few weeks prior. It was a shameful example of how not to parent and one that I hope I never forget (how could I?) so that I never ever do that again. I relayed to her how it had taken me days after, wondering how to deal with myself. Without the luxury of time I couldn’t wallow for long, feeling like an unfit mother, so I quickly went to wondering what to do about myself. What’s a good outlet for my emotions? (Screaming at children had become my outlet but it was exactly that I was trying to eliminate.) I honestly didn’t know. After days and weeks of questioning I’ve only come up with one answer: exercise. (If there are other healthy outlets for emotions please tell me because I honestly can’t think of any.) So as much fun as this summer has been, and it really has been, I’m counting down for school to start so that hopefully I can excise some of this crazy before I lose it over something trivial again.
So this afternoon Amanda and I were discussing this, and this evening I found in my Facebook memories that on this day two years ago I opened up a discussion about self care, soliciting ideas.
I see a pattern here in my inability and complete lack of knowledge in caring for myself.