The Crazy-Making Calculations of Weight Loss

Photo by i yunmai on Unsplash

It’s simple math: burn more than you consume and you will lose weight. Losing weight is easy.

Except when it isn’t.

Make sure you are eating right for your body. Schedule your workouts to your optimal time of day. Incorporate the correct balance of cardio and strength training, with the correct frequency and in the correct fat-burning order. But don’t overexert yourself because losing weight is easy as long as your hormones don’t interfere.

If you overexert yourself you’ll stress out your body and the cortisol kicks in. Don’t be stressed. Ever. For any reason. Period. And make sure you get enough sleep because if you don’t your body will go into stress mode (see: cortisol, above.) In addition to worrying about stress mode you are likely to make poorer nutritional decisions in survival mode. The calories in a doughnut are not equal to the same number of calories in a salad.

You need to watch what you eat instead of just how much you eat. Maybe you can restrict your caloric intake with cookies instead of carrot sticks but you still won’t lose weight. Or if you do it won’t be the right kind of weight because it was the wrong foods. Don’t worry, everyone will tell you what the wrong foods are. If you compile all that expert opinion together you’ll have a comprehensive list with everything on it. You’ll be left with nothing that’s safe to eat. Then you can lose weight.

But don’t eat too little because significantly restricting your calories sends your body into stress mode. And stress is bad, remember? Don’t stress about it, just stay calm and follow all the conflicting rules.

No big deal, am I right? Losing weight is a piece of cake.

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