February 25, 2016

When Red was a baby I dropped whatever I was doing at bedtime. We left activities (even church ones for which I was responsible,) did not pass go, did not collect $200, and went straight to bed. I was pretty good at recognizing the sanctity of bedtime with Blue as well. But now there is soccer practice, Boy Scouts, and other extra curriculars, in addition to church stuff and bedtime can be summed up with a big hearty LOL. It’s bad enough how often the older ones are up late on school nights but it’s really hard on the baby, who treats every sleep as a nap. I just laugh when people ask me if he’s sleeping through the night. He did better the first few months than he does now and it’s our fault. 

I can’t mother my baby the way my instincts tell me to because i also have to mother my bigger babies. I tell him often “but I was a great mum to your brothers!” 

Pro Tip: don’t let the nurses at the hospital hear you say that unless you want to go home with a stack of papers on postpartum depression. 


The Best Week

February 6, 2016

I was really starting to feel like I was getting things under control. Paul was out of town for his second consecutive week (he normally has his trips spaced out more but has a lot to do during this first quarter so this could not be avoided) and we were all fed and dressed and the house was reasonably clean. I was even making progress in some organizational projects. 

The baby is not sleeping. The middle schooler was late on so many assignments he had detention. And the elementary schooler has restarted sucking his thumb. 

So yeah. It’s a really good thing I had the week I had so I didn’t actually believe I was getting my life together. 

At 3 a.m.

February 6, 2016

At 3 a.m. I am clumsy and stumble a lot, tripping on things seen and unseen. 

At 3 a.m. I have the vocabulary of a sailor long at sea, uninhibited and wild. 

At 3 a.m. I am angry and have the arguments with loved one I normally keep bottled up, yelling the vicious things I probably don’t mean. The fight is one-sided and I never open my mouth. At 3 a.m. I also reenact a lot of things in my head. 

At 3 a.m. I feel things I don’t feel during the rest of the day, but mostly anger. At 3 a.m. I am angry. 

At 3 a.m. I argue with chocolate. I hate chocolate for being so chocolate. I hate chocolate for not being satiating enough and always leaving me wanting more. I don’t eat chocolate at 3 a.m. because that’s when I fight with it. 

At 3 a.m I wish I had a sound proof room so I could do the hateful CIO method without waking the family. 3 a.m. is the only time I would ever consider CIO. 

At 3 a.m. I hate my life. I reevaluate all my life’s decisions and find them lacking. 

Impossible Resolutions

February 4, 2016

As the only person in the country who doesn’t have Prime, Amazon has conspired with USPS to punish me by ensuring that everything I order is unnecessarily delayed and spends an extra four days bounding around Dallas before being finally delivered to me. It’s so bad I can actually predict how long the delay will be and when the package will actually arrive. 

I should stop shopping at Amazon out of spite. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.